July 11, 2011

When you look back and wonder.

There are times in every marriage that you look back and wonder did I make the right decision, or at least I think there are. I've been feeling that way for a while, don't get me wrong I love Josh just some times I wonder if we made the right decision getting married so young. These last few months the age gap between us has been hugely apparent. I know Josh has a stressful job but lately it seems that he doesn't care to spend time with me. I ask and ask, I comment on how much time he spends on the damn computer and all he can say is "I'm sorry". Honestly if he was sorry he would stop doing it! My mom says he has attachment disorder and I haven't researched it but by the name it sounds just about right.
Lately I have been thinking that maybe if I just left things would be better, maybe he would miss me or something and want and miss those times he could have spent with me. Now I'm not saying leave forever but a few months maybe, go back home visit family and friends, people who do want to spend time with me.
The other hard thing recently because of all this I've lost the in love feeling for Josh, I still love him and want to be married to him but I most defiantly don't feel love, and I don't feel like he is in love with me either. I know love requires compromise and I have. I share my husband with the Navy and the computer and just about everything and everyone out there. So in my attempt to get him to be there for me more I started school, it didn't help but it does give me something to do during the day and frankly the home work keeps me kinda sane.
I miss the man I called my husband, before all this military mess happened, we used to be so happy... and he still is.

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