There are times in every marriage that you look back and wonder did I make the right decision, or at least I think there are. I've been feeling that way for a while, don't get me wrong I love Josh just some times I wonder if we made the right decision getting married so young. These last few months the age gap between us has been hugely apparent. I know Josh has a stressful job but lately it seems that he doesn't care to spend time with me. I ask and ask, I comment on how much time he spends on the damn computer and all he can say is "I'm sorry". Honestly if he was sorry he would stop doing it! My mom says he has attachment disorder and I haven't researched it but by the name it sounds just about right.
Lately I have been thinking that maybe if I just left things would be better, maybe he would miss me or something and want and miss those times he could have spent with me. Now I'm not saying leave forever but a few months maybe, go back home visit family and friends, people who do want to spend time with me.
The other hard thing recently because of all this I've lost the in love feeling for Josh, I still love him and want to be married to him but I most defiantly don't feel love, and I don't feel like he is in love with me either. I know love requires compromise and I have. I share my husband with the Navy and the computer and just about everything and everyone out there. So in my attempt to get him to be there for me more I started school, it didn't help but it does give me something to do during the day and frankly the home work keeps me kinda sane.
I miss the man I called my husband, before all this military mess happened, we used to be so happy... and he still is.
July 11, 2011
April 13, 2011
Lets run away together
December 2009 I said good bye to my husband for the first of many times to come. He left for boot camp just a few short weeks before Christmas. During the weeks before we spent several days with is god parents and sister celebrating an early Christmas and going up to the hot springs about and hour away from Portland. We also spent a few days with my family. His leaving was felt throughout our family.
Soon after he left I started spending more and more time with my mom as well as starting to pack up our apartment because I wasn't going to wait until he was done with all of his schooling to see him.
Christmas 2009 was bitter sweet I loved being with my family but I missed my love more than words could explain and it took a lot to get through that day and all the days after until we were together again.
Days after Josh left I decided I would be moving to Waukegan Illinois while he was in corps school just following boot camp graduation. Much to some discouragement of military personnel and sometimes my family I made the decision I wouldn't live without my husband if I didn't have to.
February 2010 I finished packing what was left of my apartment into my dad's spare bedroom and our "necessities" into my car and said good bye to our apartment forever and my dad and I started our drive to Illinois. We arrived in Illinois at the extended hotel that I would be living in for the next several months, several days before graduation. Those were the longest few days of my life but I tried to learn the area a little with my dad by my side. Josh graduated just a few days before his birthday.
Graduation was fairly cool, but it was damn freezing outside and me wanting to look nice was in a short dress that sure was gorgeous but I was FROZEN. You would never believe how good it is to hug your man for the first time in months if you hadn't had to be apart for long periods of time. Hugging him for the first time in a little over two months was amazing, I could have cared less about the graduation I just wanted to have that hug. After graduation finished Josh went off and got checked into his corps school just down the road from boot camp and several hours later we were able to get back together and spend an amazing weekend together.
We spent the next nearly 3 months together and living together for about 1 of them. That winter was crazy cold but once we got into the spring we were able to go to the amusement park just 20 minutes away and really enjoy our time there. Right after corps school graduation I got on a plane home while Josh and my dad (who had flown out that day) drove home and magically made it and 2.5 days. I spent the next 4 ish month's living between my mom and step dad's house and my brother and sisters home. All the while Josh was in school in Pensacola Florida.
While Josh was in Pensacola I was getting to know my best friend Lindsey C and her little boy Mikal. My other friend Lindsey H. gave birth to her first child a beautiful baby boy named Christopher just a month before Josh came home and we moved to NC.
Being home spending that time with my family and friends are cherished memories. I got to know my niece as a friend instead of just family and loved every minute of it. She is an amazing young lady who I would give my life for and she will always have a place in my heart that no once else could take. Lindsey C. quickly became my best friend and I spent as much time as I could with her and her family while home creating an extremely close bond with the woman I call my best friend.
September 2010 changed my life for the foreseeable future Josh came home and we started our several day journey to North Carolina.
Soon after he left I started spending more and more time with my mom as well as starting to pack up our apartment because I wasn't going to wait until he was done with all of his schooling to see him.
Christmas 2009 was bitter sweet I loved being with my family but I missed my love more than words could explain and it took a lot to get through that day and all the days after until we were together again.
Days after Josh left I decided I would be moving to Waukegan Illinois while he was in corps school just following boot camp graduation. Much to some discouragement of military personnel and sometimes my family I made the decision I wouldn't live without my husband if I didn't have to.
February 2010 I finished packing what was left of my apartment into my dad's spare bedroom and our "necessities" into my car and said good bye to our apartment forever and my dad and I started our drive to Illinois. We arrived in Illinois at the extended hotel that I would be living in for the next several months, several days before graduation. Those were the longest few days of my life but I tried to learn the area a little with my dad by my side. Josh graduated just a few days before his birthday.
Graduation was fairly cool, but it was damn freezing outside and me wanting to look nice was in a short dress that sure was gorgeous but I was FROZEN. You would never believe how good it is to hug your man for the first time in months if you hadn't had to be apart for long periods of time. Hugging him for the first time in a little over two months was amazing, I could have cared less about the graduation I just wanted to have that hug. After graduation finished Josh went off and got checked into his corps school just down the road from boot camp and several hours later we were able to get back together and spend an amazing weekend together.
We spent the next nearly 3 months together and living together for about 1 of them. That winter was crazy cold but once we got into the spring we were able to go to the amusement park just 20 minutes away and really enjoy our time there. Right after corps school graduation I got on a plane home while Josh and my dad (who had flown out that day) drove home and magically made it and 2.5 days. I spent the next 4 ish month's living between my mom and step dad's house and my brother and sisters home. All the while Josh was in school in Pensacola Florida.
While Josh was in Pensacola I was getting to know my best friend Lindsey C and her little boy Mikal. My other friend Lindsey H. gave birth to her first child a beautiful baby boy named Christopher just a month before Josh came home and we moved to NC.
Being home spending that time with my family and friends are cherished memories. I got to know my niece as a friend instead of just family and loved every minute of it. She is an amazing young lady who I would give my life for and she will always have a place in my heart that no once else could take. Lindsey C. quickly became my best friend and I spent as much time as I could with her and her family while home creating an extremely close bond with the woman I call my best friend.
September 2010 changed my life for the foreseeable future Josh came home and we started our several day journey to North Carolina.
April 12, 2011
This is my love story
We started this journey during the summer of 2007. We met on a trip to Rockaway beach in Oregon. It was an amazing trip but no one would know then that we would be where we are now. Shelly, Josh and I packed into his 1972 Beetle and made that almost hour and a half trip from my house to the beach. Against the better judgement of my mom and step dad, I got into a car with a boy I had seen but once but never met and that is where the real adventure began. We spent that day at the beach, it was beautiful, fairly cold but what can you expect from a beach in Oregon.
Josh and I saw each other several times a week after that but because of the crazy twists in life were only friends. I was in a mostly committed relationship and well Shelly and Josh were destined to be together. After many many nights spent sitting on my couch until 3 in the morning I came to realize that I was in love with the person I was calling my best friend. Worst came to worst and we both ended up single but happily found our way into each others arms. That was November 18, 2007 I will never forget because it was exactly one month after my 20th birthday and I really didn't expect it to happen.
My life at the time was crazy between my mom just getting married and leaving the guy I thought was the one life was crazy, but Josh kept me grounded.
A full month and a half later we were living together in Oregon City, Oregon in a bedroom rented from a very strange man. Well a month later we moved into Travis's house a little further into old downtown OC. Travis was an awesome landlord and we enjoyed nearly 9 month's with him. After that we lived one more month in another strange man's home and then found ourselves renting our first apartment.
On October 2, 2008 Josh asked me to merry him. It was the sweetest ever, he and I had spent many dates eating ice cream in front of the OC foot ball field and that night was almost the same. After a long day visiting friends and Josh disappearing for several hours we headed home. On our way back we stopped at the foot ball field, Josh wanted to go for a walk, some what unusual as we had never walked around the football field area. But to my surprise instead of tying an already tied shoe he produced the most beautiful ring I could have imagined. And to say that's the history would be well selling it short...
Soon after this is when we moved into our apartment, we struggled as any young couple would but we had the help and support of my dad who most of the time was our only financial support.
During the school year of 2009 Josh decided it would be best after graduation to join the armed forces and we found ourselves sitting in the Navy recruiter office. After some trial and error he found himself in DEP (delayed entry program). This was right around when we realized we needed to get married because we didn't know when he would be leaving for boot camp.
So after graduation and with a lot of help from my family and friends we were married August 15, 2009 in a beautiful outdoor wedding at my mom and step dad's home in McMinnville. That was truly a day I will never forget.
Now jump forward a few months to December 15, 2009 when I had to say goodbye to my husband and the man of my life.
Josh and I saw each other several times a week after that but because of the crazy twists in life were only friends. I was in a mostly committed relationship and well Shelly and Josh were destined to be together. After many many nights spent sitting on my couch until 3 in the morning I came to realize that I was in love with the person I was calling my best friend. Worst came to worst and we both ended up single but happily found our way into each others arms. That was November 18, 2007 I will never forget because it was exactly one month after my 20th birthday and I really didn't expect it to happen.
My life at the time was crazy between my mom just getting married and leaving the guy I thought was the one life was crazy, but Josh kept me grounded.
A full month and a half later we were living together in Oregon City, Oregon in a bedroom rented from a very strange man. Well a month later we moved into Travis's house a little further into old downtown OC. Travis was an awesome landlord and we enjoyed nearly 9 month's with him. After that we lived one more month in another strange man's home and then found ourselves renting our first apartment.
On October 2, 2008 Josh asked me to merry him. It was the sweetest ever, he and I had spent many dates eating ice cream in front of the OC foot ball field and that night was almost the same. After a long day visiting friends and Josh disappearing for several hours we headed home. On our way back we stopped at the foot ball field, Josh wanted to go for a walk, some what unusual as we had never walked around the football field area. But to my surprise instead of tying an already tied shoe he produced the most beautiful ring I could have imagined. And to say that's the history would be well selling it short...
Soon after this is when we moved into our apartment, we struggled as any young couple would but we had the help and support of my dad who most of the time was our only financial support.
During the school year of 2009 Josh decided it would be best after graduation to join the armed forces and we found ourselves sitting in the Navy recruiter office. After some trial and error he found himself in DEP (delayed entry program). This was right around when we realized we needed to get married because we didn't know when he would be leaving for boot camp.
So after graduation and with a lot of help from my family and friends we were married August 15, 2009 in a beautiful outdoor wedding at my mom and step dad's home in McMinnville. That was truly a day I will never forget.
Now jump forward a few months to December 15, 2009 when I had to say goodbye to my husband and the man of my life.
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